Before

This is where we left each other last time
Before.
Before then. before now. before everything

Altered
and before we both changed

Here I leave you now again,
this time
I am not so certain of the future,
and I wish that you were coming back
I wish that we could promise
promise everything promise it would be okay and
promise that this is not the end.
I know, its not the end, it’s a change, a chance
For us to grow.
If its to grow why do I feel like I’ve been
vacated?
I hold you and feel my core tremble as
Its screaming to you “STAY HERE, DON’T LEAVE ME!”
My mind is racing for things to say but nothing is right and
I know using my
words to ask you again to stay will only make
It all the more difficult for both of us.

You’re walking away I hold your hand for as long as I can before the security guard
Gives me a look that tells me to stay where I am
They say when you die, your life flashes before your eyes and
Suddenly memories of you are throw themselves around my mind like a movie screen reel on
Fast forward.

Then I can’t see you anymore.
　
Gone
　
behind the white wall and the urgency of being late to catch
the flight back to be with your family.
I wait five minutes that feel forever,
ten minutes,
fifteen
You are gone.
I think of running past security, holding onto you and
Not letting you go, of saying goodbye to my body and goodbye to
Comfort because
I still love you I have never stopped-I never will.

But I turn around, and walk to the sky train.

I am a ghost, I watch as the us as a couple merge around me
They are happy, holding each other.
In every place I can see them doing the things they do
The “burro’s” and “fishes!” and “wait ups”
The city is closed black around me even as the sun shines through a sheet of cloud
and all I feel is what we call numb but I know that is not what this feeling is
its love and it hurts as though there is no hope or happiness
Left

in the world.
I walk into our apartment, and just like then,
Just like before I hope that you will be

Inside, somehow..

Waiting to say “Love, I’m not going anywhere”